I am still flummoxed by this car, and what it did to me just over a week ago up in Liverpool. BMW have certainly upped the anti with this mother! (no swearing - new rule).

This car was not designed on Earth. 

LOOK AT THE BONNET AND FRONT GRILLE!! Its still too much for me to comprehend. I haven't seen a BMW that has ever brought this much emotion since the release of the E92. The car is more than aggressive - IT IS PURE RAGE at its most primitive. It screams futuristic lines and looks like something I'd drive in a nightmare. Or a goodmare?

War... has... begun.

Strangely (for me) I didn't spend too much time at full throttle when driving this around. Not because it kept trying to go sideways from standstill, but mostly because I was shattered! I'd spent the best part of that week driving around the country, testing a few cars, meeting some magazine guys and hadn't had much sleep before this event. Thankfully - this animal has cruise control - and my return journey on the M56 towards Liverpool was more sedate.

The Chassis - Perfect as ever. BMW never fail to impress me (with exception of the BMW E46, but we'll save that for another debate) and I felt comfortable before even starting the engine.

The Body - Incredible! Look at those lines - LOOK AT THE BONNET!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! That's what it says to me! ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!

The Throttle - Oh Sweet Lord. What I felt beneath my right foot is not a gas pedal. It is a WEAPON. Its too much for my soul. A standard car shouldn't try to kill you.. It shouldn't 'snap' the arse out when I pull the paddle into second gear - it just shouldn't. But this DOES!!! It does... It is dirty and disgusting - but I want more! 

The Exhaust - Yes please. Oh, stop it! Oh, do it again! Oh.... STOP IT, said my child-like brain as I drove it, VXR style around the very beautiful Calderstones Park area. When wandering couples turned to look at me, they weren't doing that ''sports car smile'' that I'm used to. Their faces - all of them - were in abject fear! As though Satan had broken through the crust and tarmac, dragging his belly on flamelit knuckles.... grunting... gnawing.... then building pace until his hooves joined the calamity and errupting in the most gut-wrenching tone I have EVER felt.

Would I have this instead of the Porsche...?

I'll answer that in a bit.....

Okay I'll answer it now. 

YES!!! OF COURSE I BLOODY WOULD!!! IT PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE SEVERAL TIMES WHILST MAKING NOISES I'VE NOT HEARD BEFORE!!! 

ITS SUCKING AND SNORTING ITS FACE OFF - AND THERE'S NO WAY TO SHUT IT UP.

The BMW M4 has torque where it 'shouldn't' be. It should NOT have power that low down the RPM range. I don't want to go sideways at 1950RPM but I do at the same time.. I'm so confused! I can't think about this car. I've just looked on BMW's website for the specs - and its clear why this thing is so destructive!

Max output - 431hp (5500-7300RPM)
Max torque - 550NM (1850-5500RPM)

Don't torque to me.

I have nothing else to say.

Nicholas Lawrence //ON CARS